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This unscheduled post is the result of a moment that just happened, that I couldn’t help but share in case you’re feeling the same way. I was sitting here, minding my own business, plugging away on an assignment editing photos, when my Pandora switched to a new song. The tune was Colbie Caillat’s Try, and although I always tend to tear up when this song comes on because of its ultra powerful lyrics, I suddenly and completely broke down—we’re talking an ugly, near-sobbing cry.
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The emotion took me totally by surprise (tears are literally still drying on my face as I type this), but it didn’t take long to realize where it all came from. The fact is that comparison has been eating me alive. Have I unintentionally stepped on someone’s toes with a project? Have I accidentally strayed too close to another person’s aesthetic? And, on a much larger scale, is my brand worth pouring my heart and soul and life into when everyone else is doing things much bigger and much better than me?
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I am hounded by insecurities that make me question my ability to keep up in this business. Do they like me? Will they notice me? Will they work with me, trust my ability, or will I have to change to fit the “mold”? And, of course, on a personal level, do my friends think I’m pretentious every time I bring up what I have managed to accomplish? I hardly go out and I never bring up or celebrate my accomplishments with others for fear that my friends will smile, nod and then think, “Well, doesn’t she think she’s special. Give me a break.”
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I know that these insecurities aren’t based on fact, and even just as I type this, I’m realizing that fear is often so much bigger than the truth. I know my friends don’t secretly hate me and I know that my work is a crusade worth the journey—but I also know that I can’t please everyone, and I hate (hate!) that more than anything. I just want to be liked. Do you ever feel this way? Even if you aren’t a blogger—maybe you’re a mom, a teacher, an accountant, a software creator or a student. Do you try so hard you feel like you’re going to break?
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If you’re in a similar situation and feeling like the world is against you, and if that dreaded comparison game is murdering your joy, know that fear—at the heart of it all—is just an emotion. Reality is often so much brighter than the picture our worries and insecurities paint. Please, oh please, don’t let comparison be the thief of your joy.
Look in the mirror. Do you like you? Try…
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(calligraphy stencil by Leen Jean Studios)
P.S. Don’t worry mom—I’m fine.
Wow, yes… everyone I imagine struggles with this at some point. It’s so wonderful and refreshing to hear you speak about it so openly. Thank you. And for what it’s worth, I’m constantly amazed by everything you’re accomplishing and think you have a style ALL your own! 😉
Thank you Jessica! Your comment is worth A LOT. It helps so much…
Carrie, thanks for opening up and being real about comparison being a thief of joy. I try to remind myself when I get in those slumps many of the thoughts you shared. There is definitely so much pressure when you only see the “instagram worthy” pictures though on others accounts. I do know however that you are your harshest critic and you have lots of fans out there (myself included!) who love your style and your projects! Keep being you-its awesome!!!
Maegan – Thanks so, so much for the comment…I think you are right. I just finished reading what you said and took a GIANT deep breath. I just need to keep telling myself that this, too, shall pass =)
awhhhh. I think we all have those moments. Especially us creative types that live in this blogging fish bowl. The fact is there is always going to be someone who comes across more successful, someone is always going to be seen prettier, someone is always going to seem smarter, etc. The best thing you can do is not let the jealously monster eat you up and focus on all the good. Praise those and support others even if you wish it was you. Stay in your lane and do what you do best and what you find joy in. Whenever I start to feel this way I realize its wrong and I need to reassess some things in my life. A lot of times it steals the joy. A good reminder is someone is feeling the exact same way about you and looks at your accomplishments and probably feels less than. xo
Thank you for the poignant reminders Kristin!
Yes I totally feel like that all the time but lately more in my personal life and I did break. I could call it slightly snapped actually.
Such a great post and that song makes me cry all the time too.
I REALLY hope that whatever struggles you’re going through, Julia, that they get better soon. You don’t deserve to feel this way—none of us do. xoxo
Well I had to laugh at your p.s. 🙂 I can relate to this so very much. And “comparison is the thief of joy” is something I repeat to myself almost daily. It is very, VERY hard NOT to compare when you’re in this line of work, and I’ve worked it all for myself yet. But the trying to stay in our own moments and do what we each do best ourselves is all we can do…and try to feel the joy in that. xoxoxo
BLESS you Jennifer! You’re so sweet and always manage to lift me up =) Thank you!
I am not in your line of work, but I am a Mother with two children about your age. In order to be liked by others you must like yourself. Do not succumb to people with criticisms. Keep your head up, keep smiling, and if that doesn’t work send your Mom after them darn it! Your are very beautiful. Now get out there and show them what you’ve got!
Thanks Janie! All such great reminders, and your kind words are helping me to see the MUCH brighter side.
This is an issue that has always plagued me, and for some reason it has been at its worst lately, to the point where it’s paralyzing. I find that removing myself a bit from all the social media can help, but it’s definitely something I don’t think will ever fully go away, for any of us.
I’ve said it before- you are the hardest working blogger I know, and so, so, so talented. I think of you as an unstoppable creativity machine haha! We tend to view ourselves from the eyes of others in the most critical way, so hoping this little outside perspective of mine can you lift you up just a bit. You’re my hero <3
Amy. Seriously. What on EARTH would I do without you?! I am so, so thankful for supportive bloggers like you who seek to inspire and collaborate, rather than add fuel to the combat zone. Your words and encouragement are so valuable to me! Thank you!!!!! P.S. You’re my hero, too!
Such a beautiful post Carrie. And yes Comparison is a raging maniac witch and she’ll steal your happiness every single time. Its so so so hard not to compare though, right? Especially in this social media centric world we live in. We are pretty bombarded with images of what others have or have accomplished, and we see their successes and wonder, “what the heck am I doing wrong?”. The struggle is real and I just try to remind myself that they probably have the same insecurities too.
“Comparison is a raging maniac witch and she’ll steal your happiness every single time.” – YES!!! So true! Thanks for the awesome perspective Shavonda!
Yes, yes, and yes! I struggle with the same insecurities and also have a hard time sharing my small accomplishments with others for fear of how my excitement could be perceived. Thank you for your candid thoughts on the matter, and cheers to setting comparison aside and celebrating the work we put our heart and soul into everyday 🙂
Here are 2 more of my favorite quotes with a similar sentiment:
– Don’t compare your beginning to someone else’s middle.
– Be yourself, apologetically.
Thank you Joan!! It’s so helpful to know that I’m not alone…I love those extra quotes, too!!!
As a newly single mom of two who has recently had to accept financial assistance I get it. My home is immaculate….in my head I am creative and stylish….but don’t even have 10.00 to put towards that passion right now. It is hard not to compare my simple, though clean, home with all u stylish women. Yet….deep inside when I laugh at night with my children and they tell me I am the best mom ever….I know THATS WHAT TRULY MATTERS. Just gets forgotten sometimes.
Thank you for your openness and honesty Aimee! I definitely think that there are people out there who would GLADLY trade their perfectly styled homes in for a family with two beautiful children. You sound so blessed!!
You are so brave to open up and share your thoughts and feelings. Don’t worry—we ALL feel that way at some point (sometimes even several times a day). You have done a wonderful job of sharing your own point of view and talents with many people and I am incredibly proud of you each and every day!!
Remember, “A bird doesn’t sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song”–Maya Angelou
And, yes, thank you for your “ps”
Thanks mama =) Whatever you do, DON’T listen to that song!!! We’d both be waterworks in no time…And thank you for the perfect quote—You always know exactly what to say…
This. This is exactly what I’ve been feeling all month. And you’re right, it’s not grounded in reality – there are so many wonderful things happening in my life and with my blog at the moment. But in my head it’s never good enough and I’m not rising fast enough, especially when I look at all the amazing stuff everyone else is doing. Crazy huh?
I think the fact that you had the courage to write this post just shows what a wonder you are – I’m a long time fan and I believe in your talent 100 percent 🙂
ps. The note to your mum made me giggle 🙂
I’m really happy to hear that the post hit a chord with you!! Although I’m sort of sad to hear just how many of you also are experiencing this type of negativity, it’s nice to know that we have each other’s backs. I’ve definitely got yours and think you are doing BEAUTIFUL work! Thank you SO, so much for the words of encouragement Stephanie!!
Isn’t it weird how our emotions completely take over, I think even more so for us creatives. You are a person I follow and admire so much so it’s refreshing to know that even someone I view as “big” struggles with the same things as me. I feel like I started blogging/decorating because I got pure joy from it and it has been the hardest thing to keep that joy as I have tried to create an actual business from it. It’s a tricky balance we are all trying to navigate. Just know, next time you are feeling down that I am probably comparing myself to YOU 🙂 Great post!
It is!! I’m honestly so happy to know that you can see me as a real person more now, because I totally am. I’m a mess most of the time!! =) And I agree that it’s all a tricky balance…Here’s hoping that you find your OWN joy again soon!
Such a great reminder – LOVE that song, and also tear up pretty much every time! Your transparency was super encouraging, and YES we all feel the pressure to please & then wind up comparing. The nice thing is we all have something to bring to the table. Thanks for your post – nice reminder to be ME because no one else can be that! Thankfully we have a very gifted Creator, who made us all unique & originals.
All such wonderful reminders and encouragements—thank you Haley!!
This is such a great post. I found you from Cassie at Primitive and Proper. My blog feels teensy in comparison to the other girls in my tribe and sometimes I wonder how on earth I’m going to be able to keep up with it all. Thanks for talking about the hard stuff. I really needed this post this week. Hugs for a happy weekend, Coco
I’m so happy that you clicked through to visit my side of the web Coco! I promise that it’s worth it to just keep going, even if you feel a little downtrodden at times. We all experience it, as evidenced by my post! It all sort of ebbs and flows, doesn’t it…? I guess that’s life! Hugs to you, too!!
Love this. Just found your post via Cassie at Primitive & Proper. I really struggle with this… wondering what other people think of me and comparing my life to theirs. But I think trying to be conscious of those thoughts helps. Thank you so much for sharing
I’m happy to hear that this hit on something for you Catherine! I really, really hope that you find a happy place soon, that’s beyond comparison. You deserve it!
Thank you for this post Carrie (and your writing is brilliant!) I feel this every day, especially in this biz, ups and downs ~ highs and lows. It’s exhausting! But I think you are exactly right at the end of the day is the emotions that exaggerate that we think we are good enough when in reality that’s not truth. And if it’s what you love it is worth it! I think your amazing by the way and I love your ps to your Mom! Lol, I would have added that too 🙂
Summer – thank you so VERY much for your kind comment. Your encouragement is really appreciated!! =) =)
I’m finally getting a chance to read this and I couldn’t agree more! It really is a slippery slope when we start comparing ourselves. It’s something I’ve always struggled with too. Thanks so much for sharing your heart! Love your P.S. too 🙂
I really appreciate your comment Bethany!! It IS a slippery slope, and I’ll be honest—I’m still sort of feeling this way, even almost a week after posting about it! It’s definitely a struggle, but I’m sure there are happy, care-free times ahead =)
Oh my gosh… This just hits all the feels!!! Thank you so much for posting. I am just starting my journey into home blogging and teaching myself design.. it is so challenging to feel like I am just an impostor within the home design world. Comparison HAS been a thief of my joy… and I need to remember to love me first. If I love what I’m doing, it will be reflected in my home. Thank you, thank you, thank you. <3 <3 <3
I’m glad it meant something to you Amanda! Best of luck to you in your start blogging—you are NOT an imposter, and your voice is definitely worth shouting from the rooftops! Or should I say, from the interwebs =) =)
Oh, you are talking right to me, aren’t you??? I totally feel all of this, Carrie. It’s so hard to find that balance, and I don’t know that we’re ever really meant to find it here on this earth. Thanks for sharing this. Your openness is really lovely and keep doing you. It’s beautiful!
Awww…Thank you Gwen…Your comment is VERY much appreciated, and I’m so lucky to have your encouragement!