“Things I’m Afraid To Tell You” post #2

Source: Jess Lively

Man…It’s been one of those weeks. I’ve barely slept, tossing and turning continuously through the night, my mind racing at a million miles per second. I just can’t focus! I’m sort of in a state of limbo and don’t have any clue where I’ll end up, but one thing’s for sure – I’m not where I want to be in life and that’s killing me.

Let me just say this. My career is being thrown for a loop. A big one.

You may or may not know that I currently work a day job at our local newspaper. It’s been a place for me to develop my creativity and I’ve met a lot of really special people here, possibly people that I will be close with for years to come. But we all know the nature of the newspaper industry is tumultuous at best, and those latent insecurities that we’ve ALL had as employees here have finally caught up with us. My point is, due to certain circumstances, my job will no longer exist in the near future. We are talking possibly two weeks or two months.

While I would love nothing more than to raise my fist and shake it at the world at large, I’m not going to do that. This is corporate America and nothing is a guarantee, but beyond that, as my mom says, we are exactly where we are meant to be and I believe that there’s truth to that.

With all of the chaos my mind is undergoing at the moment (well…a week’s-long moment, that is), I found comfort in the idea of coming on here today and confessing to the uncertainty. You may remember the “Things I’m Afraid To Tell You” series that I participated in back in May – I adore this series for the camaraderie and honesty it encourages, and I felt this overwhelming need this week to be here and to talk about it.

Since my last TIATTY post, I’ve improved on a good bit of the scary insecurities I divulged. But of course, as is the nature of life, I’ve got a whole new set to contend with. Why is my career in such a state of flux? Why can’t I afford to quit this midnight hussling and be what I want to be NOW – A freelance writer/blogger/designer living the life of eternal inspiration and connection with like-minded men and women. Why do I feel so held back and so simultaneously over- and under-whelmed…?

This is where I sit myself down and say, “Self, you are only 26 years old. You have practically your whole LIFE ahead of you to achieve those dreams.” But…I can’t help but feel like, if I continue to settle, that moment to take the leap will pass and I’ll be stuck.

Have any of you successfully bridged the gap from “day job+dream job” to simply “dream job”? I crave security (like a regular pay check), but I also crave creativity – Possibly in a bigger way.

Anyway, thank you for listening to me today and for letting me lay out some of the things I’m afraid to talk about. In however small a way, it helps…

P.S. On a MUCH lighter note…The giveaway winner was announced this morning – Click here to see if it’s you!!

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